this has been a helpful framework for me, thank you for sharing
i noticed that the message i internalised wasn't so much 'i shouldn't exist' as it was 'my way of existing is wrong' (or maybe the latter is just a variation of the former). my life's 'purpose' was to please a parent, simply being myself was either insufficient or unsafe
i still try to avoid disappointing said parent and everyone else for good measure. i imagined that the prize for my 'awakening quest' would be freedom to be just as i am, but also that others would like me for it. basically, a childlike longing to feel safe and loved
hopefully, the guilt loop will indeed dissolve although i can't imagine life outside of it
Thank you for sharing, solarkey. I'm glad this was helpful. What you shared feels deeply familiar. The real freedom lies in seeing through the self that believes something went wrong. The one that thinks you or anyone else could have acted differently.
We’re all just a bundle of conditions, playing out and reacting to each other.
In that light, guilt, shame, and blame begin to dissolve.
Most definitely! I reflected on stage 1 while journaling this morning and found that I’ve been writing and reflecting on all the stages listed here for the past 15+ years. A lot of anger arose seemingly out of nowhere around the age of 40-shortly after having my mind blown by Eckhart Tolle and others and that’s when things really got interesting. I appreciate your open willingness to express publicly and to invite others to explore.
That’s interesting! Thanks for sharing. The Power of Now was the first spiritual book I ever read and it resulted in becoming aware of thoughts. It all started to slowly unravel after that. Anger was definetly part of the initial unraveling.
this has been a helpful framework for me, thank you for sharing
i noticed that the message i internalised wasn't so much 'i shouldn't exist' as it was 'my way of existing is wrong' (or maybe the latter is just a variation of the former). my life's 'purpose' was to please a parent, simply being myself was either insufficient or unsafe
i still try to avoid disappointing said parent and everyone else for good measure. i imagined that the prize for my 'awakening quest' would be freedom to be just as i am, but also that others would like me for it. basically, a childlike longing to feel safe and loved
hopefully, the guilt loop will indeed dissolve although i can't imagine life outside of it
Thank you for sharing, solarkey. I'm glad this was helpful. What you shared feels deeply familiar. The real freedom lies in seeing through the self that believes something went wrong. The one that thinks you or anyone else could have acted differently.
We’re all just a bundle of conditions, playing out and reacting to each other.
In that light, guilt, shame, and blame begin to dissolve.
Very relatable!
Thank you for the engagement, Celene. I suspect it’s relatable for a lot of people.
Most definitely! I reflected on stage 1 while journaling this morning and found that I’ve been writing and reflecting on all the stages listed here for the past 15+ years. A lot of anger arose seemingly out of nowhere around the age of 40-shortly after having my mind blown by Eckhart Tolle and others and that’s when things really got interesting. I appreciate your open willingness to express publicly and to invite others to explore.
That’s interesting! Thanks for sharing. The Power of Now was the first spiritual book I ever read and it resulted in becoming aware of thoughts. It all started to slowly unravel after that. Anger was definetly part of the initial unraveling.